The Last Time I Nursed Lucia: Letting Go Before I Was Ready

A Small Act, A Profound Blessing

When I was told my cancer had returned, I knew things were about to change. But I wasn’t prepared for how quickly.

The treatment plan was clear: start immediately. There was no time to ease into the transition, no gentle weaning process. I had to stop nursing my Lucia—before treatment even began.

She wasn’t even eight months old.

Some might say that’s plenty of time. And I know I should be grateful for the months we did have—and I am. But for me, it wasn’t enough. Not even close.

At the same time, I understand that sometimes circumstances are outside our control—and I’m thankful to live in a time when there are options to ensure our children are cared for in every way. That doesn’t take away the grief of letting go before I was ready, but it does remind me that every mother’s journey is different.

A Shift in Perspective

I didn’t always see nursing the way I do now.

Like many in our generation, I grew up in a culture where it wasn’t exactly encouraged. It was seen as something that got in the way—of success, of independence, of other "more important" goals. I had never even witnessed it firsthand until adulthood.

When I had my oldest daughter, I was met with comments that, though maybe not meant to shame me, still carried that weight—comments that made me question whether I was doing something wrong. It wasn’t the norm in the world I came from.

I still remember the first time I saw a new friend of mine nursing openly at a small gathering in her home. It stopped me in my tracks. It was such a simple thing, yet it was completely foreign to me.

It’s funny how small, seemingly irrelevant moments can shift your entire perspective—how something as ordinary as watching a mother feed her child can plant the seed for a much deeper realization.

More Than Just Feeding—A Reflection of God’s Design

Nursing is part of God’s perfect design—a unity of nourishment and love, written into creation itself. It is a mother’s first act of self-gift, a sacrificial love that echoes the love of our first mother, Eve, and ultimately, the love of Christ.

That said, I also know that not every mother is able to nurse, and I want to acknowledge that. Motherhood is full of sacrifices, and sometimes, that sacrifice looks different for each of us. My journey led me to see nursing as something profoundly meaningful, but I know that the love and sacrifice of a mother aren’t defined by one single act.

For me, nursing was more than just nutrition. It was about connection, comfort, and surrender. It was about laying myself down willingly in love, just as Christ does for us. It was about responding to my child’s needs with complete self-gift.

In a world that often values convenience and independence above all else, nursing felt like a countercultural act—a quiet surrender, a pouring out of self in a way that mirrors the love of our Blessed Mother.

I embraced it wholeheartedly, knowing that through this simple, ordinary act, I was fulfilling something profound. It was a gift—not just for my daughter, but for me.

It reminded me that my body was made for love, for nurturing, for giving of myself completely in this season of motherhood.

Then, Just Like That, It Was Gone

Nursing had always been more than just nourishment. It was our quiet moments in the middle of the night, the way I comforted her through tears, the soft rhythm of her breathing as she fell asleep in my arms. It was our bond, our language, our safe place.

And then, in an instant, it was over.

I had always known that motherhood was full of sacrifices. But this one ran deeper than I expected.

Because of the intensity of my treatment, I may never be given the gift of having more children. (Don’t even get me started on that one.)

That means this may not just be the last time I nursed Lucia—it may be the last time I ever nurse.

That realization made letting go even harder. But at the same time, it filled me with a greater appreciation—that I was able to nurse all three of my children and truly embrace every moment of it.

I can never begin to explain the amount of growth that has occurred because of it—the love, the irreplaceable bond that has formed because of it.

For that, I am endlessly grateful.

Letting Go with Love

These days have been an adjustment—for both of us. But through the tears, the struggle, and the heartbreak, one thing remains certain:

We will get through this together.

And I will keep fighting with everything in me—for her, for my family, for more moments of love, however they may come.

With all my love,

Blessy